Change Requires Work

Yesterday, I realized that I need to break up with a friend of mine.

This is not the first time I have broken up with a friend. Once before I had broken off contact. But it is the first time I needed to break up consciously with someone who I used to share a deeper friendship with.

The first time was with a person that I did not like all that much to begin with. Too self centered. Too arrogant. I always felt bad after talking to her or hearing about her. So I simply decided to let go. No more contact. And it felt good.

Yesterday, nothing really happened. The person has not changed all that much in the 12 years since I first met her. And here is where the problem lies. It is the same old story every single time. Whenever I meet her, she is either going through a so called change or planning a change. She is unhappy with where she lives and how she lives. She wants to do something great, but never gets started.

Since I met her, she has changed her job at least 5 times. She was dreaming of becoming a mother and having a large family until she became pregnant and hated the pregnancy part, then the nursing part, so she decided to only have one child. She started her MBA and never finished. She planned on becoming a cook and never did. Now, it is something else altogether. Something new.

It is tiring. And I sat yesterday on New Year’s Eve with her in my kitchen to listen. And that is all I did. Listen. No advice from my side. No clever comments. I just did not know what to say. So I stayed quiet. I did not suggest an intelligent New Year’s resolution.

What I wanted to say is:  Change requires work. Change is hard. Change requires commitment. Is often painful. And you really need to do it if you want to. There is no greener grass on the other side. There is no easy success. You need to find what you want to do and just do it. Do not wait for my permission or anything else other people may say.

I too strongly feel that you are the master of your own destiny. The world and people are not doing something to you. It is you who is in the driver seat and you need to make the decisions and deal with the consequences. You do not have to wait for a special situation or date to get started. Start now if you want change. Find a new routine and stick to it.

My resolution for this year is barely non existent. No drastic mind blowing change. No trying to become someone different.  I just simply like who I have become over the last two years and I want to expand on that. I do not need to lose weight. But I want to continue my fitness routine and expand running with a more rigorous yoga schedule. I want to live more pleasantly with less pain, so I need to start sleeping more routinely and avoid shifting schedules. My idea is to become a better morning person. In a global job most of my meetings are early anyways and it will just help me to commit to getting up early every day instead of every other day. I am a strong believer in routine dictating successful behavior. And routine is something you can establish easily — if you give yourself the right choices.

So, I will try to get up at 5am every morning. Considering that half of the week I need to be at work by 6am anyways it is less of a stretch than one might think. The days I do not need to be home early I will engage in yoga, blogging, or drink a good cup of coffee while reading.

What I will not do is to engage myself in self pity or blame others on why I am not feeling right.

The hardest part of engaging in change is to understand what role you yourself play in changing, And it is a very active one. Essentially, you are the mastermind, the planner and the executing force behind every shift. It is better to accept the responsibility that comes with it. No more excuses.

Problems will be attacked. Plans will be made. Solutions implemented.

And with the friend above, I just think I need to distance myself. A lot. If not I will just become another enabler.

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